The Hell Of Divorce

It's been 7 years since a heartbreaking divorce ripped my life to shreds. I have to say to date, that was one of the worst things I've had to endure. A lot has changed in my life since those dark dark days. I asked Christ to be LORD in my life and have followed after Him every since. Katie, my 9-year old, asked Christ in to her life at an early age and has a tender and compassionate heart for others. As tragic as the divorce was it was life altering in some very positive ways. Obviously, I don't fear death now and I have peace that my daughter is a child of the King as well. God did not approve of my divorce and hated it, but I found Him after it was all said and done and He's used that in my life to help me learn and grow and understand just a little bit better about forgiveness and grace.

I'm thankful for the lessons I've learned through this. I'm thankful that He has forgiven me of my sins and helped me forgive myself and move forward. I'm thankful that He gave me a second chance to be a husband to my wonderful wife Sarah. I'm thankful that He gave me a second chance to be a full time dad to Katie and I'm thankful that He sought after me in the middle of all of my mess and called me out of the darkness. I'm thankful that He is using me to bring praise and honor to His name through my role as worship leader. I'm thankful that He placed me in the role as a Missions Pastor so I can lead the charge within our body to take the message of salvation all over the globe. I simply don't deserve any of it, but He has indeed overwhelmed me with many new beginnings. I just want to brag on my Savior a little I guess because He has been so good to me.

I started off with this blog in a bad state of mind. Katie is getting ready to go stay with her mom for several days and I was feeling a sad. So I titled this blog "The Hell of Divorce" and was going to write about how horrible I'm feeling. I can't tell you how hard it is to say goodbye to your child every so often so they can go live a second life with their other parent somewhere else. I can't tell you how horrible it is to come home in the evening and know she won't be there to talk my ear off, nag me to play croquet, or ask me a dozen times if she can play on the computer. It is an empty feeling to know that your child isn't there. It puts a pit in my stomach to write about it. Divorce is HELL. Most of all it's hell on our children. They are torn trying to please both parents and torn trying to figure out just what is going on. Unfortunately I have to live with the fact that normal for Katie is being without her daddy for several days straight.

In spite of all of these things, I know that God is sovereign. I know that through all of this abnormal mess that sin has created He will use it for good in her life. Maybe one day she'll grow up and minister to the hearts of the hurting kids of the world that are going through divorce. Maybe one day she'll follow in my footsteps and go to the ends of the earth and share Christ with others who know what it's like to live life in hopelessness and darkness. Whatever the case, no matter where my little girl may be this weekend or next month or in the next 20 years, I know and trust the Lord to protect and guide her steps.

Oh my pity party that I wanted to write about has suddenly disappeared like Obama at a voting session of the Senate (LOL!). It's funny how God has used this blog to remind me of just how good and merciful He really and truly is!

I'm thankful that while divorce may be hell it isn't anything compared to the eternal hell that I could be in tonight had I never fallen on my knees in the quiet of my parents' basement and asked Christ to forgive me and take control of my life.

I'm reminded of a Martins song that says,
"Count your blessings when you're feeling blue.
It's surprising what a little bit of counting will do
Count 'em when everything seems wrong
Soon you'll find yourself singing along!"

My friends, please don't let the enemy allow the sins and failures of your past keep you downtrodden and blue. God can use your mess and make it a message! Paul was a murderer before he got saved and look at how God used him. What if he went around reminding himself that he was murderer and believing that he could never be used by God. Thank goodness he didn't!

When you feel the horrible things in your mind begin to take over, take those crazy thoughts captive and pull them down and away from you! There is work to be done in the name of the Lord and He wants to use you! He can't if all you want to do is feel sorry for yourself and wallow in guilt and shame. He came to give us life and life more abundantly, so live it like you should...live it out loud!